dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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