Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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