Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
