Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
