Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Farmville is her only friend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
