In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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