I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
