I want to have your abortion
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
