how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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