Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
