the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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