I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if only i could text you this smell
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
