I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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