No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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