alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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