I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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