OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
