i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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