guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
