Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
