I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
