Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
