so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
