So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
