I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
