She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
