Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
