My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
