just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
