Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
