I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
