saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
