In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
