...so i touched it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
