so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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