she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
