the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i've created a new STD.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
