i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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