i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
