I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
