i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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