Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
