I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
