hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
