I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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