Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
