Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
