You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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