If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
