every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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