just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
