It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
