I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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