i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
