he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
